


Lawful Romantic

by breathtaken



Series: Con Rules [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series) RPF
Genre: Kissing, Multi, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, difficult conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21718066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breathtaken/pseuds/breathtaken
Summary: It’s like picking a lock, only emotionally.
Relationships: Critical Role Cast - Relationship, PolyRole
Series: Con Rules [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1554034
Comments: 10
Kudos: 62





	1. Lawful Romantic

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to merlinskat for putting the idea in my head, and Panda for her comments on the draft. As usual, don't share this.

Liam’s next month is… painful.

It's a_ lot _of low-light conversations with his wife once the kids are asleep, taking a lid off all their hopes and fears in a way that’s simultaneously painful and freeing. They love each other deeply, of course they do, but the day-to-day of being a family means you can go years without dealing with everything that’s brewing under the surface and have it all be okay. Until it isn't, and you realize just how far you still have to go.

And all the while he's acutely aware that everyone else has stalled, in their neat little units of two, waiting for him and Sam to catch up, or drop out; one night when he’s near the end of his tether he even drives to Sam’s and talks to him and Q until four in the morning, which is fine really because he probably wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyway.

It’s like picking a lock, only emotionally.

And to top it all off, he still has to see them a couple times a week, run a company, make a show, act normal for the viewing public, with _ this _hanging over them.

Painful is really the only word for it.

It’s almost five weeks before they finally sit down together, crammed mostly onto the couch in the lobby plus a few extra chairs; and if Liam had been less strung out he might have brought his chair over like a normal person, but he’s more or less been in fight-or-flight mode for a _ month _ and so he sits down right in Sam’s lap, and almost tears up in relief at the feeling of his best friend’s arms coming around him, holding him tight.

When he glances around the group, everyone else looks in varying degrees how he feels, which he supposes is perversely reassuring.

Marisha is the first to speak. “So – I’m not sure how we do this. Talk about who wants to do what with who?”

Her eyes flick to Taliesin, who’s sat strategically on the ottoman, putting him at the centre of the group.

“I’d suggest we start by going round the group and each saying what we’re open to,” Taliesin replies. “And take it from there.” His hands are clasped in his lap, and he’s clearly the calmest among them. “I don’t think anyone’s expecting the end result of this conversation to be an orgy –” there are a few nervous giggles – “but if we at least all know who’s interested in what, then we can think about forming individual connections from there. I’m happy to start?” He waits for everyone to nod. “I’m open to exploring sexual or romantic connections, with any of you. I’m also aware that I’m the one with the most experience of non-monogamy, so I’m also happy to help facilitate if anybody gets stuck.”

Liam wants to climb into his lap too and hug him. And then kiss him and then hug him again, and probably cry on him. Tal’s the one who’s closest to really _ getting _ him, and maybe in another reality, there’s a version of Liam who doesn’t look so different.

In this reality, Sam’s arms tighten around his body, so he’s probably giving off some kind of intense vibes.

Taliesin looks to his left. “Brian? Can we go to you next?”

“Yeah. Uh.” He’s seated in his director’s chair, Ashley beside him in hers, their joined hands on her thigh. “Okay. So while you’re all _ incredibly _ important to me and I love you deeply… I don’t think this is for me. I’m happy being a one-woman man right now.”

Taliesin’s nodding, understanding in his expression, and Liam closes his eyes for a moment and tries not to feel too much like he’s just been stabbed in the chest, because of course nobody is required to feel about him the way he feels about them.

“Sure,” Tal says, and Liam reluctantly opens his eyes again. “That’s understandable. And anyone can always change their mind at any point, whether that takes them in or out. This isn’t a one-time opportunity.”

It would be nice if Liam’s hindbrain knew that. If this didn’t feel so precarious, like they’re all gonna slip through his fingers if he says the wrong thing. 

“Good to know,” Brian replies, and Tal says, “Okay. Ash.”

Liam can see Ashley’s fingers twisting in Brian’s grasp as she says, “I don’t know yet. Is that okay? We’ve just – we’re still getting used to not being long-distance any more. I don’t think I could add something new right now.”

“Of course,” Marisha picks up. “I think the worst thing you can do with this is try and rush things.”

“Definitely,” Matt adds, though he’s clearly looking more at Travis than at Ashley. “However this all works out, we need to take it slowly. Lots of conversations and checking in.”

“Yeah.” Liam turns his head when Travis clears his throat. “I – think you all know I’m in for this. And that Matt and I were talking about it, before.” Before Liam went and blew the whole thing up with his own jealousy. “It’s – a lot. For me. So taking it slowly sounds good.”

“And I’m in too,” Laura adds beside him. “Which is to say, I’m open to exploring anything. But Travis and I aren’t exactly gonna have a lot of time to spare, so. I’m honestly not sure how it’ll pan out.”

She takes Liam’s hand, the one that’s wearing her ring. It’s his turn.

He takes a breath through his nose, and starts.

“So. Emotionally I’m – open, too, but practically… Amy and I agreed that we can’t make space for anything else. Work’s work, I’m not gonna take away from my family, and I don’t have any free time to give.” He shrugs unhappily, Laura squeezing his hand in silent support. “So I have a hall pass now for cons, but other than that.”

It’s frustrating as fuck, to have got this far only to run up against there simply not being enough hours in the day, but he really doesn’t know how else he could have expected this to go. He feels the same as he always has, with only a little more license to act on his feelings; the only thing that’s really changed is that now they’re talking about it.

“Same for me, pretty much,” Sam says, and Liam presses his ear to the base of Sam’s neck, to feel the vibrations in his chest. “My wife gave me a hall pass a couple years ago, and to be honest I wasn’t expecting to ever use it. But when I’m home then she needs me home. Balancing both our careers with our family is already the limit.”

“I feel like I barely have any time _ now,_” Marisha says, with feeling. “I can’t imagine trying to do this with kids as well.”

“And I’ll probably just use my hall pass for Liam,” Sam adds, kissing his temple. “As sorry as I am to deprive you all of the full Sam Riegel experience.”

Liam cracks a smile for the first time during this whole conversation when Laura snorts, and he catches Brian wiping away an imaginary tear.

“Maybe this is the safest way to do it, for all of us.” Marisha says. “Con rules. We all have such full lives already, there are outside relationships and kids to think of, not to mention we’re running a company together. I know the last thing that any of us want is for Critical Role to suffer ‘cause we’re trying to date each other as well.”

“Not to play devil’s advocate, but your feelings don’t know when you’re at a con,” Sam points out. “It would be dangerous to assume we’ll be able to compartmentalize like that.”

“So what’s the alternative?” Liam knows exactly how he sounds, but he doesn’t think he can help it. “One half of us just sit on this for months at a time while watching the other half have what we can’t?” 

He looks at Taliesin because he won’t look at Matt or Travis, but he’s not sure that what he finds in Tal’s expression is much better. 

The awkward silence that follows his outburst is – well. He isn’t the king of inconvenient feelings for nothing.

“I’m afraid I agree with Sam,” Taliesin says gently, not looking away from Liam. “If there’s one thing polyamory’s taught me, it’s that feelings will do things we can neither predict or control.”

Liam laughs harshly. “You’re telling me.”

He’s always made a point of not regretting his feelings, even when they’ve caused him grief, but it’s looking increasingly possible that this is just gonna hurt more than it helps. 

“I don’t know, I think it _ could _ be for the best. At first, at least,” Laura says. “While we get our feet under ourselves.”

“And when’s our next con gonna be? Three months? Longer?” Travis doesn’t bother trying to disguise his hurt, and Jesus Christ, Liam doesn’t think anyone wants to get in the middle of _ that _ marital dispute – and then Travis looks past her at _ him _ and he flushes hot and cold all over. “You talked about sitting on things, am I supposed to just sit on _ this?_”

“_Okay._” Matt holds his hands up. “Okay. Let’s just – slow down.”

He flashes a worried look between Travis and Liam, and Liam feels like a complete shit all over again, because he never asked. 

He’s never asked either of them how they feel about each other, or where they were at before he knocked this whole thing off-course. Never checked in, just made them wait for more than a _ month _for him to get his shit together before immediately dragging it all out into the open.

If he’d asked, surely they wouldn’t be arguing right now. 

“There are a lot of limitations here that we can’t do anything about,” Matt continues, his words clearly meant for him. “But I think we do know how to talk to each other, and how to ensure everybody feels supported despite that. Right?”

Sam gives Liam an extra-tight squeeze, and he hates himself just a little more because really, could he _ be _any more obvious.

They all know he’s the one with the problem here. But laying it out so bluntly with all of them at once, no matter how much he loves them, is –

Taliesin’s giving him a look that says, _ I don’t want to call you out, but I will if you make me. _

He shakes his head minutely. He knows he’s hardly being fair, but his wheels are spinning and he doesn’t know how the fuck to fix this.

Gently, Taliesin says, “Liam. What do you need to feel supported?”

He grits his teeth, and wills himself not to tear up.

_ Not for everyone else to start fucking each other and leaving me out in the cold? _

When he doesn’t reply, Brian jerks a thumb towards the corridor. “Would it help if Ash and I–?”

“Don’t you dare,” Laura replies immediately. “This is inner circle stuff and you’re inner circle. Just because you don’t want anyone to sit on your dick doesn’t mean you get out of it.”

“I wouldn’t say I don’t want _ anyone _ to sit on my dick.”

Liam huffs a laugh, because, well. It is amusing.

“I’d like you both to stay, if you’re comfortable doing so,” Taliesin agrees; and then, inevitably, he looks back at Liam.

He still doesn’t know what the fuck to say. He’s not gonna put his feelings on them, but that doesn’t mean he has any _ good _ideas.

“If I may?” Tal asks, and Liam nods, because it’s bound to be better than anything he could come out with right now. “So if I understand correctly, your limitation is time investment. Not having sex outside your marriage, or expressing romantic feelings, but giving time to another partner. Is that fair?”

“Yeah. Sex is okay, feelings are – okay.” Feelings are what started this whole mess. “Dirty weekends away, not so much. Or even dirty afternoons.”

None of them are strangers to the grind, though like most things in life, doing it with kids adds another layer of anxiety on top. Even though they have it pretty good now the show’s still a labour of love, it isn’t their moneymaker, and he can’t afford to get complacent at least until both of his kids have graduated college, which feels like a lifetime away.

Taliesin’s nodding. “And if, say, you and I didn’t go on any dates together, but we managed to carve out a quarter-hour’s quality time on a day when we had to be here anyway? Would that be okay?”

“I shouldn’t have to say this,” Marisha cuts in, “but absolutely no sex anywhere in this studio, _ ever. _We are a responsible employer.”

Taliesin grins. “I meant a kiss and a cuddle, but it’s important to set boundaries.”

“So what you’re saying is that we need to build a makeout room,” Laura says, and gives Liam a wink.

“I wouldn’t argue with that,” Marisha replies, and even Travis cracks a smile.

“I want to try and keep this a little bit on topic,” Taliesin says, looking at Liam, and – yeah. They’re waiting on him. “What do you think?”

“Yeah,” he says carefully, squeezing Laura’s hand. “I think that would help.”

Even if they were all fucking each other when he couldn’t, he doesn’t think it’s about fucking, if he can still feel like they’re meeting him where he is. If he can _ show _ his feelings, instead of squashing them down or filing them away, instead of being left behind as they get what he’s wanted for years.

“Good,” Taliesin replies, and Liam automatically suppresses the urge to go over there and climb into his lap for a cuddle, before realizing he doesn’t have to do that any more.

He pulls away from Sam, who pouts dramatically, and goes and sits across Taliesin’s lap, wrapping his arms around his shoulders.

“Hey there,” Taliesin murmurs, holding him in place. “I’m gonna move to Matt, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah. Sure,” Liam replies, remembering with a flush of guilt that they hadn’t even finished going round the circle before he derailed them.

“Okay,” Matt says, looking between them all. “I’m also open for – exploring new things. Whatever that turns out to mean.”

“Me too,” Marisha says. “Heart open, legs open.”

Once Matt’s stopped choking and everyone else’s laughter has died down, Taliesin says, “So, how are we all feeling? Personally, I think this is gonna be hard work, but I think we’re equal to it. We’ve made bold choices before and they’ve paid off, and I think that if we stay kind and honest, then this can as well.”

“I know I just said I was out,” Ashley says tentatively, looking at Brian. “But the makeout room does sound kinda good?”

Brian laughs. “I’m happy to sanction some extracurricular makeouts, if you promise to tell me everything afterwards.”

“Deal,” Ash agrees, giving him a jaunty handshake, and Marisha immediately says, “First!”

“If we’re calling dibs then I call Liam,” Laura announces, and Liam tries not to visibly flush or grin too widely, and probably fails at both. “What?”

“Feelings,” Taliesin reminds them, amusement plain in his voice. “I want everybody to express at least one of them before we adjourn for makeouts. Brian.”

Again, Brian looks awkward, like he hadn’t expected to be called on. “Uh. I’m glad that we’re all sitting down together and discussing this maturely, I guess? And I think regular check-ins are a good idea. For all of us, even if we’re not actively involved.”

“Oh, I’ll make sure they happen, trust me. Ashley?”

“Well, I was nervous about us being the only ones who didn’t want to join in. But thank you for still including us in the whole – the conversation, I guess, the whole thing, even if we don’t actually want to _ do _ the – what did you call it again?”

“Forming connections,” Tal supplies.

“Yeah. Even if we don’t want to actually form connections.”

“This affects us all. Unavoidably,” Marisha points out. “So we all get a say. For the health of both our family and our business. And I feel – excited? Is that weird?”

“I’m excited,” Travis agrees. “And nervous. It doesn’t feel like I’ve waited this long for anything in my _ life._” Liam can’t help smiling; Travis is always so… _ Travis. _“But I’m gonna make sure we take the time to do it right.”

“Yeah. I’m… tentatively optimistic, I think?” Matt looks around their circle, checking in with everyone in turn, always taking care of them all. “I wasn’t expecting this to – expand in scope like it has, but like Marisha says, it affects us all anyway. So maybe it’s a good thing.”

“Yeah. I think it will help in the long run to have everyone fully informed from the beginning. And communicating with each other,” Tal agrees, and it costs Liam some effort not to actually purr when blunt fingernails start scritching the base of his neck. “Laura?” 

“Same as Matt, I think.” She’s looking at Travis as she says, “You know it took me some time to be okay with this. And I think I’ve learned that sometimes the things which seem terrifying lose their power over you if you can talk about them honestly.” 

He nods, thinking about some of the conversations he had with Amy, as she looks at him. “Lemur?”

They’re all worried for him, he can tell, and he loves them all so fiercely that he sometimes wonders if other people can feel it shining from him like a beacon. 

“Supported,” he says quietly, twisting on Tal’s lap so that he can look at each of them in turn, let them see just how much he means it. “And reassured. That we’re all in this together, even though our circumstances are different.”

“Sure,” Taliesin agrees. “And as friends, we all have slightly different relationships with each other anyway. So that part hasn’t changed. And last but not least, Sam.”

“Yeah. I think we’re gonna be okay.” Sam’s smiling, as usual, but he’s serious too. “This is gonna be harder for some of us than others. If you take my meaning,” he adds, mainly for Laura, who predictably is smirking. “We can’t predict exactly how things are gonna change, but we can make sure we’re gentle with each other.”

“I’m sure you’ll be gentle with me,” Liam says, and as they grin at each other, he feels a lot better.

“Okay. Anyone anything else?” When there isn’t anything, Taliesin continues, “Okay. Next check-in in a couple weeks. I’d rather do it too often than not enough, especially in the beginning. But anyone can come to me at any time, about anything. And I’m assigning you all homework.” He ruffles Liam’s hair. “Come on, you. My leg’s going to sleep.”

“Sorry.” Liam gets up, and hesitates – everyone else is still sitting down, and it’s probably not on purpose but it feels a lot like they’re all just looking at him, waiting to see what he’ll say, what he’ll do.

Then Laura gets up beside him, eyes bright with mischief.

“Come with me,” she says, and takes his hand, pulling him down the corridor and stopping at the door to the makeup room.

“So how about it? I’ll need someone to keep me warm while my husband’s busy getting Mercer dick,” she winks, and _ oh, _she’s a shining star and he loves her so much he aches.

In answer he pulls her into the room and closes the door behind him, and a scant second later she’s pushing him up against it as her arms come around his neck and she’s kissing him.

It feels like coming home.

A few minutes later he rests his forehead against hers, both of them breathless, and whispers, “I love you all so much.”

“We love you too, beebee. We won’t go far from you,” she whispers, and of course it’s _ that _ that makes him cry.

When they open the door Matt’s waiting for them on the other side of it, leaning against the wall with his arms folded, and a look on his face that’s trying for stern.

“Are we gonna need to put a lock on this door?” he asks with a badly-suppressed smile, and Liam grins back so hard his cheeks hurt and replies, “We’ve licked all your map pieces, so they’re ours now.”

“Haven’t you got better things to think about right now?” Laura says – and he looks newly nervous.

“I came to borrow Liam, if that’s okay?”

“Be my guest.” Laura makes him jump when she slaps him on the ass. “Just don’t be too long. I have a hunch he’s gonna be popular today.”

Matt gives her a look that’s half exasperation and half fondness as she turns on her heel, and Liam itches as Matt’s attention turns fully to him, caught between wanting to ask why Matt’s here with him and not with Travis, and wanting to ignore it and just take what he’s given.

_ No, _he reminds himself, he shouldn’t think like that. Love isn’t scarce, to be snatched up when it’s offered; love is abundant, and will be waiting for them when they’re ready.

“I’m sorry,” he says, and when Matt opens his arms he goes without hesitating, resting his chin on Matt’s shoulder as he hugs him tight. “For – reacting like I did.” 

“Hey. I get it. You’re scared. So’s Travis, so am I.” Matt sighs. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I think so. I – went into that conversation thinking everyone else was gonna get what I couldn’t.” Though it was probably obvious to them all from the beginning. “It’s not really about sex. For me.”

“Yeah. It’s about affection. And there’s plenty of that to go around.” 

When Matt strokes over his hair, Liam tears up all over again.

He’s carried this stubborn little flame in his heart for years, and now they’re fanning it into a blaze.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know how you felt.”

Matt still sounds guilty, as if _ any _of this is his fault.

“Because I purposefully kept it from you,” Liam reminds him.

“You didn’t have to.”

He knows Matt means well, but what, exactly, would it have helped for them to know, before any of them had anything to give?

He’s not gonna apologize for it, but what’s done is done.

So what he says in the end is, “I won’t do that any more.”

“I’m glad.” Matt pulls back, his eyes careful, hopeful. “Can I kiss you?”

Liam nods, dry-mouthed for a moment before he finds the words. “Please.”

As their mouths meet for the first time, the warmth inside him feels like it’s radiating from his skin, too much for his body to contain; and he smiles against Matt’s lips, wonderfully, deliriously happy.

He can’t have everything. But for the first time, he feels like he might have enough. 


	2. Epilogue

This is probably the first flight in _ years _ that he doesn’t feel like he’d be able to sleep even if he wanted to.

It’s taking all he has just to keep still enough not to disturb Laura, who’s catnapping against his shoulder and won’t hesitate to smack him if he dislodges her, and he wonders with momentary amusement if this is what it’s like being Travis.

On his other side, Sam’s watching the Disney Robin Hood movie. He’s been holding Liam’s hand for the whole flight.

Liam squeezes his fingers until Sam takes one earphone out and leans over, then says, “I had such a crush on that fox when I was a kid.”

“Who didn’t,” Sam replies with a grin, and Liam kisses him on the cheek, thinking giddily, _ I get you all to myself tonight. _

He still doesn’t know what will happen on Saturday evening; they’ve deliberately set nothing in stone, and the possibilities are enough to make his heart swell and his head spin if he thinks about it for too long. But his first night’s for his Sammy, just as it should be.

It feels like they’ve been waiting _ forever. _But finally, he won’t have to wait any more. 


End file.
